Wild Thing

A trip to the store seems like an easy task for Mothers with their first born. That child rides along quietly unaware that other carts have cars in front of them with beeping horns, moving doors and steering wheels to turn. That child does not know that other children are expressing opinions about what to have. That child does not know that some children walk in the store and others (gasp…) help. That child does not have a sibling to poke, tickle or elbow.
Audrey has two older siblings to watch. While I could say she is mimicking them, her ideas are all her own.
I have a warped view of my reality when it comes to journeys like grocery store trips. I still assume that we will venture through the store with ease and I still get shocked when the outcome is different than my daydream.
Josh & Audrey, Let’s go to the store.
Josh beelines it for the cart with the green car in front. He is almost too big for it, but he doesn’t care. Our six year old would still try and sit in it if she could. He practically runs into three people on his quest to get to the car, saying excuse me the whole time. Audrey lunges out of my arms to chase Josh. Onlookers graciously smile or roll their eyes as if to say, control your young.
I tighten the buckle as tight as I think it will go around Audrey’s body just shy of cutting off air supply.
Josh squeezes in barely, but he’s in.
I realize, like other times before, one of the wheels on my cart doesn’t move quite the same as the others but there was no heading back that would waste valuable time. They are steering, honking and driving away through the fruit aisle. Josh is asking for different fruits and Audrey is grabbing everything that is low. She holds it like a football trying to hide it from the offensive. I scoop down to unclench it from her as she squeals in disagreement. The free cookies have been spotted…right next to the not free donuts that I already mentioned anyway in the car. Josh explains why he needs the bigger one while Audrey babbles about sprinkles. We head into the aisles.
Audrey alternates between laying her back across the door, arms open wide face up to the sky and legs dangling out. In the next aisle, she has figured out how to unbuckle the same buckle that my two older ones won’t attempt to undo. I plead with her, Audrey please sit down. With more muscle than I’d like to admit, a lot of resistance and little bit of elbow, she sits back down. I rebuckle.
In the next aisle, she unbuckles, climbs and is sitting on top of the car screaming Weee…
I plead more; Audrey please let me finish shop. ‘Um, No Mommy, I help” She says in words only I understand. To anyone else its “Uh, O, Omy, I, ep” “Ok, Audrey you may help me”
She takes off running down the aisle. I assumed if she understood what she was saying that she would understand what that meant.
Josh stays in the car now having more room to stretch out his body that has double in size since his fourth birthday. At least it seems like that. Our once picky eater hasn’t stopped eating in three months. He is almost as tall as his six year old sister and is shoe size is almost the same.
Think quick, abandon the four year old driving the suburban grocery cart or push it chasing a toddler who is already faster than me. I abandon the cart since she isn’t that far. I take her by hand and her body goes limp. Now it appears as if I am dragging my child.
I buckle her in the front part, where other twenty-something month olds are sitting, except, I don’t have the huge germ fighting cover. A few more aisles and she stands on the seat with her arms open wide.
We circle around to the dairy section. Josh flees the car. He is again focused on something. I have never seen him so determined when it comes to food, so I don’t stop him. He wraps his arms around crush cups (thank you zach and cody), yogurt smoothies, regular yogurt and a gallon of milk clinched in his fist. Jeff told me the day would come, but I thought he meant in high school. Not to discourage the desire to eat more and kinda healthy, I pile it in. My list doubles in a second.
I need a card for my niece. Audrey screams for the princess singing card. I hand it to her to stop the glass shattering sounds coming from her voice in order to read. Josh decides to help by picking out the Iron Man card for his 6th grade girl cousin. After some gentle explaining he understands and puts it back.
Audrey unbuckles again and leaps out of her seat. I catch her in time and she slides down my puffy jacket. She sees a sign with a dog on it and is on all fours pretending to be one. Adjacent to the dog food is the toy aisle, Josh matter of factly tells me that he’s really sure he cannot wait until Christmas.
A woman steps over Audrey. I pick her up and buckle the front seat one more time as tight as it will go and cover the latch while pushing the cart. I see pacifiers. I quickly place new ones in the cart hiding them under the bread which I now remember why I should grab so it does not get smooched.
We wheel around to the checkout with our cart full including the expensive organic milk (which is really expensive when your kids drink a gallon every three days), meal indgredients, snacks, muffin mix (thinking I will save money by not buying the really good ones at starbucks), Josh’s dairy products popsicles & all the other stuff. “Mom! I have to go potty!”
That sounds about right. We wheel back around, Audrey screams ‘Dora’ at the coloring book on the magazine rack, I about knock over an end cap and maneuver around all the random bins in the aisles.
Josh asks, “Tell me again why I can’t go alone in the men’s restroom?” (Um, because there could be a creep in there)
“Because you are still young enough to come with Mom.”
I decide to use the restroom as well & so does Audrey. While I take my turn, she completely undresses in less than five seconds. I place her on the potty, she finishes and redresses. I turn to grab my purse and she has crawled under the stall to Josh’s side and Josh has crawled to mine. Gross. They switch back. We unlock, wash a lot and return to the cart.
I rebuckle her in the front. Josh returns to his driver’s seat.
Back in the check out aisle, a veteran Mom talks to Audrey while I qualify for an Olympic medal for speed in item retrieval. The vet asks if Audrey is my third. I say yes. She says I had three, two girls and a boy in between. Me too. I ask, almost out of breath, is your third one part crazy. I can hear how horrible that sounds as I say it. She smiles and says, Not crazy…wild. She was and is our wild one. But she’s the best.

We leave with Josh explaining what the picture is made of coke a products, which looks like one of those pictures that pop out after staring at them long enough. We sit at the nearby bench to put on coats & the grocery person gives Josh a sticker for being a good little shopper and she hands me Audrey’s sticker.
Audrey is the best. She is willful. She looks right through me as if to say, I can totally hear you but I don’t care. But she is my little helper, full of charm and smarts. She remembers where everything is (probably because she moved it there), she can get herself dressed (I think she thinks she might get left behind), she knows her shapes and colors and is starting to talk a lot more (which is really lessening the amount of screaming she does).
I understand the phrase a little more…Wild Thing, I’ll eat you up, I love you so.

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I am being Gentle! Can't you tell?)